coa//005 goes into the breach

28 10 2012

It’s the Planning-to-Plan update.

I’m posting this a day ahead of schedule just in case we get wiped off the map by impending hurricane-shaped doom. I kind of doubt it, but odds are even-steven that we’ll lose power, and that’s basically the same thing as far as the six people actually reading these words are concerned. No power = no story, in the same way no house = no story.

The good news is that this chapter is finally flowing free, with a cohesive outline ready to rock and everything falling in place nicely. The bad news is my health continues to take a sharp downward dive towards oblivion thanks to a head and chest cold I’ve picked up somewhere along the way and I crave death. So, until that mess clears up and Mother Nature leaves me alone I don’t think I’ll have monster-large story updates.

Still, these scenes bring us up to Act II, so that’s not nothing. Enjoy. What do you think so far? Does it sound and feel like kids in action? Are they compelling and/or cinematic?




5 responses

28 10 2012
Jen, Psycho Happy

Technically you could type story on my iPad. If it has power. :)

I’m really digging this chapter. No amazing comments for you today, alas… no time between kids and reading! One thing to fix: “souled” should be “soled”

28 10 2012
Jeremy Jinkerson

As to feeling like kids in action, not really. But that’s only because kids don’t really have adventures that are this compelling. Their adventures occur around false danger (typically) and in their imaginations. It feels like a cinematic children’s adventure along the lines of E.T. or the Little Rascals, which to me, means you’re nailing it.

Also, I’m fairly confident it’s more than six people.

28 10 2012
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

True. The original idea behind “Kids in suburbia have an adventure” was a story I’d titled the Strange But True Tale Of Old Man Jenkins, where they investigated a suburban legend of a haunted house which — surprise! — had a real Picasso in it. A spin on imagined dangers vs. real ones. But yeah, I’m going for kids-on-movie-adventure feel, so it works.

28 10 2012

I am chained by the knee in this here rehab hospital, a situation with which I know you are familiar. So I need not tell you my frame of mind when I saw you’d posted early.

But I will anyway. WHOOO-HOOOO!


My only negative comment is that the paragraph that begins “Despite eating…” has too many uses of “despite” in the first two sentences. The second could, perhaps, be “belying”?

Millie sounds like she’s going to have a hard time not going Picasso. Lucas at least has a focus, rather than this diffuse fear.

And hmmm. I always thought Dave’s “logo” was a pure positive, Lucid’s way of exposing the underlying logic of the City. But perhaps its development is influenced by all three forces?

I am uncertain about the ages of the children. Are they tweens? Early teens? Are we thinking Encyclopedia Brown or the Hardy Boys? Lucas seems fully competent in his chosen field, as is the way of the young nerd. Millie, not so much.

But they are very distinct as people. I don’t know from cinematic, as my mind doesn’t work that way, but neither of them feels unnecessary to the story.

28 10 2012
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

The logo was instigated by Lucid, but as we saw in //001, the forces of Bedlam are now aware of it and hoping to hijack it for their own uses. The race is on…

The kids should be 13, same age as Penny. Lucas is competent because as noted, he’s a deep nerd. Milly doesn’t have any particular noteworthy skill set other than avoiding contagions.

“Cinematic and compelling” is kind of a running joke at LoadingReadyRun as being the most commonly used words when lazily reviewing video games. They tend to creep into my language a lot.

Hang in there in the hospital. Heart’s out with ya.

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