coa//003 is painting the town red

5 08 2012

Introducing our heroine and her… er… hero. Of sorts.

I’m going to be linking to the City of Angles homepage from now on from the blog posts. EDIT: I can link right to the story now; I duplicated the ad box there. It will be removed when the story is out of draft.

The PW ads and the extra views from folks who are staying current with the latest draft will help my cause considerably. The more views they get the more I can put into my own ads which gets me more new readers — it’s been working really well so far.

I’ve got a page up explaining my philosophy about the ads, in case you’re a bit concerned about them. (tl;dr version — not greedy. Just doing what’s best for the story and maybe helping other independent creative projects along the way.) If you see any offensive ads, let me know and I can cancel them.

Anyway. Promotional efforts aside, we have many new scenes for //003.

I’ve re-read and re-written sections of these several times over. It’s hard to make a travelogue story interesting… you highlight specific spots as your characters go from Point A to Point B, indicating why they are specific, maybe having them chat with each other in the process. If there’s nothing to see and nothing to talk about, why not jump straight to Point B, after all? Hopefully I’ve justified the trip in the content you read along the way.

Despite being at the heart of this story, Vivi actually is not in very much of it. Next time we check in with the Wei Sisters I’m thinking I’ll use her perspective as the viewpoint. It’s only fair.

Read, enjoy, or don’t enjoy, or line the birdcage with it. No matter what, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

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11 responses

5 08 2012
Lirazel

“This palacial monument ”

Palatial.

“we had leave the upward…” had TO leave.

… And a cliff, I am hanging from it.

5 08 2012
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

The cliffhanger is a BIT much, but… closing the scene on “And then she made ART!” didn’t feel punchy enough. Also we’d had way too easy of a ride so far.

5 08 2012
Winter

Hollister is growing on me. I like.

5 08 2012
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Ver gud. I’m trying to balance his depiction; the audience is already friendly towards him because they saw his empathy and his slip-ups in //002. But I need Marcy to be hostile to him because of her assumptions, without it feeling obnoxious… tricky when folks already dig him, but I think I can do it.

6 08 2012
loopychew

where you wantetd him to
wanted

These computers are all mid nineties
mid-nineties

which was quite heavy given he’d just lugged a ladder up twenty flights
“given” for some reason sounds to me like “despite” in this context, and I don’t know quite why. I’m cognizant of the fact that this isn’t necessarily the case, but I still think “seeing as” is a little more defined.

did not in fact know where everythign was
everything

Floor to ceiling windows
Floor-to-ceiling

a corner cutting time saver
corner-cutting

Well, it looks like they don’t call him Hook-up Hollister for nothing. :-) I’m liking the way everything’s going so far.

6 08 2012
Ciara

While I kinda like Hollister, I have no trouble seeing where Marcy’s coming from. I really wasn’t expecting him, but as he’s the guy who knows a guy, it makes sense for him to show up in all kinds of places.

6 08 2012
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Good — I want the audience to understand both character’s POVs.

This is all quite a relief. I’m too close to the story so I have no idea if it’s working, but the feedback I’ve been getting says it’s working exactly as I wanted it to. Which is great, given we’re about to be dipped head first into AAAAAAA

9 08 2012
Jeremy Jinkerson

Love it every time we see the return of a old character.

Some of the writing doesn’t grab me like Anachronauts did/does. The specific feedback would be that the overall story seems slower-paced, and some of the character exposition doesn’t seem setting-specific.

That said, every time the setting is emphasized (like the first VIP story and co1), it’s golden.

9 08 2012
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

The initial part of the story is largely an A to B jaunt through safe-looking places. Setting specific stuff is comin’ soon.

Still, CoA is largely about day to day living within that strange setting. It’s part of the series charter to be a bit more solid without the need for perpetual grand adventure. //002 was like that; largely confined to a motel and discussing philosophy.

11 08 2012
Lirazel

So, the more I think about it, the more there seems to be something terribly Lucid about this here building.

12 08 2012
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Not yet. Buuuut….

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