coa//001 and the flux capacitor

25 06 2012

New update! But… it’s not quite what you think.

This update is one entirely comprised of REVISIONS to existing material, plus an inserted scene which takes place between two previously existing scenes.

Now, normally I just add and add and add to a story until it’s done, without backtracking and making changes… but this is the FIRST story of the saga. It needs to be just right, and tuned to be so. I’m still feeling out the characters, the tone, the plot, etc… so with that in mind, here’s what changed and why.

1. Removed Penny suggesting Dave attend Orientation. It’s going to be a bone of contention; she wants Dave to stick around, Gregory does not.

2. Removed all mentions that their trip into the Sideways was illegal. It wasn’t. (This is for scenes yet to come, which needed this change.)

3. Inserted a brand new scene before Dave beds down, where Gregory and Penelope talk. This is the first time I broke 3rd person limited, making it 3rd person omniscient — which helps me set up later scenes which also exclude Dave. Also it gives us a chance to see Gregory in something other than “Dave Annoys Me” mode, just talking to his daughter.

4. I modified the scene after, where Dave and Penny are talking at night, to better reflect #3 there, to change her motivation for seeking him out, and to better explain her theory about the city.

There we go. All of this was important for the reasons detailed, AND to help set up things for later in the story. My original setup for the second half of the story wasn’t panning out, felt wrong, didn’t give us enough of a look at the city itself beyond the Sideways. This paves the road for a better transition.

I’ll have those new scenes for you later this week, odds are. This chapter will be frequently updated, as opposed to anachronauts 1-2 updates a week — because I want to get out out ASAP, because it’s flowing relatively smoothly, and because I need to switch gears to sf06 and commissioning some CoA fanart once it’s done.

More to come and feedback welcome on these changes.

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4 responses

25 06 2012
Benabik (@Benabik)

The Picassos make me wonder if trying to understand the heart of the city is a good idea…

25 06 2012
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

One man’s fear is another man’s delight, and vice versa.

25 06 2012
Lirazel

A couple of things LoopyChew seems to have missed:

but one of those lean-yet-atheletic nothing-to-lose action heroes which favored a quick neck snap twist.

“athletic” and “who”. Unless all your nothing-to-lose action heros are also robots.

Unsatisfied with his wardrobe “Dissatisfied” is probably better. (http://www.dailywritingtips.com/dissatisfied-unsatisfied/)

And I think I know what’s going on, but will leave it alone until it is confirmed or denied. ^_^

26 06 2012
pixeljen

Aww, but speculation is fun! C’mon!

(And 2f, the edits all work for me. Nice to reread anyway, different perspective.)

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