sf05 for the win

19 12 2011

Was there ever really any doubt that they’d defeat the Ascendancy?

I mean, that’s what protagonists do. They defeat antagonists. And all that hogwash about Emily destroying the planet, well, obviously that’ll never come to pass. Right?

Right?

At last, the penultimate update. The next one will finish the story. Although truthfully, as of this evening, I haven’t written it yet. I really gotta get on that given I want to release it on Christmas Eve as a gift to you all, so I’ll have to put Old Republic aside. (My smuggler got her ship back, so hey, milestone. I can pause now and focus on writing.)

I’d love to hear your reactions to this one. Have fun. See you on the flipside.

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26 responses

19 12 2011
StClair

The answer, of course, is in the phrasing of the very last line.

Also? Sentimental of me, perhaps, but I shed a tear for the ____.

19 12 2011
LoopyChew

While there were grammar things I noticed, I just wanted to get this out of the way: Holy shit. That was on all levels awesome.

One question, though: How does one scream with a broken jaw, even if it’s in the throes of a potential Fate Worse Than Death?

19 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

I added Emily breaking his jaw at the last minute, because I felt there needed to be SOME reaction to what just happened before Anu showed up. I’ll change the screaming to something else.

19 12 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

It’s not exactly difficult to scream. Broken jaws don’t make this more difficult. I speak from experience, so this is definitely fine as-is.

And, nice takedown by Various and Sundry.

19 12 2011
LoopyChew

your iron armor is loud enough to rouse the dead

I’m presuming they have specific anti-Fae armor?

fully capable of putting one of these Suborbital freaks down with a two second burst.

Hyphenate.

a full 0.31 grade Essence Capacitor

Hyphenate.

you are all going to die

Muahahahahaha.

Kil remained calm. Despite the anger overwhelming him.

Even stylistically, I think it works better if these were one sentence. The rhythm feels off with a period separating them.

Taamusi’s spear came down upon him with the cold certainty of a raging blizzard.

I’m presuming it’s Taamusi because we’re not supposed to know Scout is around, or Scout isn’t around at this point? I think it’d be awesome if it were Dylan doing this, but he’s probably long gone. (Or Daelyn, but she too is long gone…)

Servants had been sent home earlier, told that they would not be needed for the night shift.

Janitors, however, got quintuple overtime.

despite having the nigh unkillable soldiers of the Summer Court watching the door…

Hyphenate.

or a bloodcurdling yell reach their ears…

Hyphenated (blood-curdling), tense (reached)

to slip into the manorhouse.

Two words.

Emily had trusted Jesse enough to include the Gearhaus-Runeblade family in that database, as well.

I wonder if that’s going to be important sometime in the indeterminate-but-very-distant future.

IN THE GLADES OF PASSION, by Susan Moonthistle, the cover declared.

So she got a book written after all! I wonder if she was publically lynched for writting a Grimm-Human romance afterward.

the Summerlions removed the wooden braces from the door. What was left of them, anyway.

You may want to be more specific. What was left of the Summerlions, the braces, or the door (in which case “it” would suffice)?

daddy was what she wanted.

I’d capitalize “Daddy,” or at least put it in quotes.

Stormclouds rolled in over the crater

Two words.

the Faerie Court was now provoked into firey retribution.

“fiery”

lightning from the stormclouds,

Again.

Will add more corrections later. Noontime break now.

19 12 2011
LoopyChew

Shaman Tillman of the Summer Court and Shaman Yew of Arcology #A076.

Yay, she’s an officially recognized shaman!

the Ascendancy realized how many high priority targets were tap dancing on their roof.

Hyphenation probably works better here.

“Tillman, Yew, Susie, and myself will be focusing on the shamanic spellcasting,” she continued.

“Continued?” Sounds like the beginning of the plan to me.

A dark curse from the Black Tome of Ul-Felrial.

Hex comes from the White Tome, if the name comes from the color of the book. Quoting a08: “an ornately decorated book, bound in white leather, bearing a crest in the shape of a snowflake.” The Black Tome has the memory hex that Emily used to cure the witches, so it’s in her possession.

Energy beams from Una’s self defense blaster, rounds from a steam powered cannon

Hyphenation.

It made sense, now; enough that she had to resist the urge to giggle.

Weirdly, that should be a comma, not a semicolon.

They floated down, on broomsticks, on jetpacks, on small wyverns built for speed and manuverability

1. “maneuverability”
2. …on angelic-steam-powered, monocular butlers…
3. I’d think wyverns were raised, not built.

“No speeches this time,” Emily declared.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ShutUpHannibal

while the cassette player in his radio got to the good bit of his Dire Straits album.

I’d think he’s have gone for either the Crüe or Warrant, myself, particularly if he’s going full-on teenager.

So, for lack of a better option, they started kicking her while she was down

…sure, they don’t know she’s pregnant, and she’s MOSTLY invincible, but seeing as she just started showing signs of mortality, is anyone else here a little bit more than worried?

The Ascendancy lost a few bright eyed idealistic patriots that day,

Hyphenate.

Ascendancy armor was based more on hypertechnology than on physical protection, after all.

Except for the fact that they’re coated in iron to counter Fae magic. Which also means a heavier thud. Ow.

as he existed in a metal cannister,

“canister”

He was the only one looking at Lar, only one taking him seriously.

I think you need a “the” after the comma.

previously providing this Earth with the power to resist the future.

Drop the “with.”

Because in the end, everybody pays the devil’s due.

So Anu, dying from the inevitable crash-and-burn of the Lunar Arcology, manages to pull off a Taking You With Me as the result of another Taking You With Me. THAT is impressive.

His fading screams echoed through his office, and then, were gone.

Well, if Jen says it’s possible, I’ll take her word for it.

This Earth was now officially doomed.

Looking forward to seeing the aftermath of all this.

This was one hell of a takedown, and brilliantly paced, and it’s amazing how so much was building to this one moment.

I kind of wish we had a moment where Susie recognized 24fps!Mister as the monster she accidentally released so many years ago, but I don’t know how to fit that into the pace that you have going here.

19 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

WHOOP! WHOOP! WARNING! CONTINUITY ERROR!

I’d completely forgotten about the wintery nature of the book Lar was using in a08. After that point, when I decided it was part of a set of tomes by Ul-Felrial, I assigned it to black (hexes) which also had the memory blocker. Soo… yeah. Same book. Sloppy author who can’t fix it now that it’s printed. Oh well.

19 12 2011
LoopyChew

Unless it outright changes continuity somewhere else (in the future?), I fail to see a problem with both a White Tome and a Black Tome. Black could be curses upon souls (thus allowing for Essence Capacitor soul-mining, the memory blockers, Agony), White could be curses upon objects (Destruction, Inferno, Hex, etc.). It’s an easier discrepancy to explain away than the Black Tome having a white cover, I think.

I think it’s retconnable without having to do too much dancing.

19 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

I think the easiest way to handle it would be to have Lar NOT cite exactly which book he’s reading from when he hexes the trees in this chapter. Then it’s probably two books. I may have other mentions elsewhere that the book they use on new witches is the one they got off Lar, but presumably he had more than one book, so hey.

19 12 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

And there’s no reason to assume all the Tomes have mutually-exclusive content. That’ll work.

19 12 2011
Lirazel

I think wyverns are bred — neither made nor built.

(And no, I don’t know anything about wyvern reproduction. But they are live animals, yes?)

20 12 2011
kam

Given that they’re a variant of dragons, I’d guess these ones come from eggs. On the other hand, I’ve heard racehorses described as “built for speed” rather than “bred for speed,” so I think “built” can be applied to living creatures.

20 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

I’ll change the line to ‘bred for speed’. I was just stuck on the car racing metaphor of something being ‘built for speed’ but I don’t want to confuse the issue; Wyverns are definitely bred.

But… Emily bops Lar with her broomstick. Which she wasn’t riding, because she was on a wyvern. Whoops. So, that’ll need editing too…

20 12 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy

It’s Emily, perhaps a broomstick spontaneously appeared because she wanted one and forgot that one wasn’t present. ;)

19 12 2011
kamalloy

Great to see the original gang plus the next generation back together for some ass-kicking! This felt a lot like the final confrontation in the original series – not in a repetitive sense, more like it invoked the spirit of the first series’ end.

Also, while I figured there was going to be a last-minute bargain between Lar and the Mister to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, I did *not* see it coming in that form. Wow.

Not entirely sure how the fire and ice prophecy will be worked in (maybe the crowns will be used as power sources and tapped out to the max), but looking forward to the end.

19 12 2011
Ranneko

Yeah same, seemed to me that was why Mister was there. The plans could all work and you still end up with a dramatic last scene.

Did not expect the specifics at all. Those were some fine action scenes and an amazing kaboom.

Looking forward to seeing the fallout.

20 12 2011
Andrew Sacchetti

Wow! That stinks for the good guys, and everyone else. Everything shot to hell just as it looks like everything has worked out.

I love the epic storytelling of this series, how everything had built toward this, how the characters, introduced over time in their own stories, have come together…Very well done. I can’t wait to finish. When it’s all over I may re-read, including the bonus chapters.

20 12 2011
LoopyChew

It really is amazing how much you pick up on re-reads. Everything really was building up to this moment.

20 12 2011
kam

Even little things earlier in the chaper like Gilbert commenting to Jesse on the full moon.

20 12 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy

Stefan was commenting to me the other day that on rereading, you see all sorts of broadcasting for key future plot points. Like Gilbert saying steam works on a wing and a prayer. ;)

20 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Or Jeeves and the Mister’s first meeting, where “Jeeves hit him like the fist of God.”

I peppered the entire series after a08 with hints of what’s to come. I didn’t have the series planned out until that point; heck, in the earliest stages, Una’s Arcology was going to be parked in Westusa. Things change as you go along, but I knew how the series was going to end by the time I reached a08. I always knew it’d end with the destruction of the Earth by Lar. And the retail bonus chapters provide even more…

20 12 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy

Destruction of the Earth! OMG CONFIRMED SPLOILORZ

22 12 2011
Lirazel

So, a comment unrelated to the story… As we were waiting for the countdown, I decided to re-read London’s Fog. And there came a point where I needed to stop and do something else, and I found myself thinking, “But this is one of my favorite bits!” and continuing to read.

Which I thought I should pass on. :)

22 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

My goal is to destroy the productivity of my fellow man.

22 11 2012
Spellingmistax

Well congratulations on fulfilling that goal.

25 12 2011
kennywong85

I LOVED THE ENDING :) and the whole thing really :)

it anonys me i can’t buy the kindle version (i’m in asia)

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