sf05 seems legit

13 12 2011

So, how do you take over a city floating over the middle of open water?

That’s how.

Second in the series of daily updates. Rapid fire! Quick turnaround! Synergy! Vertical integration! It’s outta sight. Comments and feedback welcome, as always.




9 responses

13 12 2011

They’d adjusted to the local time cycle awhile back,


Which is why he missed Cairo, vanishing off the net.

Remove that comma.

curly board game moustache

I’d hyphenate “board-game” in this case, since it’s describing his mustache.

Yes, parcel by parcel is definitely the way to go for these updates, particularly if each one gets bigger and better along the way. Tomorrow: Return of the Zombie Queen!

13 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Yeah. Each one’s definitely longer and more involved than the last; and more and more central characters get involved. All by design.

13 12 2011

Ha. I was wondering how they were going to take out the Arcology floating over the ocean, and this makes perfect sense.

My mental pronunciation of “Wqp” sounds rather like “Wikipedia.”

Protocol is there for a reason!

Also, which one is Arcology Socrates? Both of the arcologies are referred to as Socrates at different points:
“P-Proctor Ret, of Arcology Socrates, here…”
“He was knocked off his feet a few times, as Arcology Socrates began docking procedures, merging its armored wall with his own Arcology’s”

13 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Whoops. I’ll fix that.

I really should’ve established all the Arcology names early on; it’s only really been important right now, though. Socrates is over Atlantis, and the one in London (which is being imitated here) is Aristophanes, I believe. Until now, all that mattered was “The New Orleans Arcology” or “The London Arcology”, etc.

13 12 2011

The only one I can remember being named was Plato, at New Orleans.

Also, I noticed something a few of the previous scenes. Barbara hands the urine sample off to a Medic named Brian O’Dare, but the one delivering the test results is Medic Sean O’Dare. Were they supposed to be the same guy, or two different ones? I’d imagine they’ve got more than one Medic, and even Carrie admits to having trouble keeping track. ;)

13 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Ouch. No, should be Sean. Just a matter of having one idea at the start of a scene and forgetting by the time I reached the middle of it. Thanks! I’ll fix.

13 12 2011
Jen Gagne, Psycho Happy artist

“a soft ball like genocide followed by desk job work” — Nice little cringeworthy character-setting bit there.
“explosions, sparking control panels, screaming, and people being hurled violently left and right.” — hey, it’s the Enterprise!
“Mayd– alert, alert!” — I am impressed with your writing here, this subtle little catching-himself to avoid using the suborbital term “Mayday”.
“a city-sized shapeshifting superweapon” — Heeee.
Oh Seattle, I <3 you. ^_^
"tisk-tisk" — dictionary claims it's "tsk-tsk" (And you can play "tsk" in Scrabble with no vowels! Woo!)

13 12 2011

“Uh, negative, negative, we have a reactor leak now, give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous.”

13 12 2011

That was really funny! I guess the security procedures really DO matter!

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