sf05 is only slightly ripping off monty python

1 12 2011

Oh, and did I mention this is the PENULTIMATE UPDATE?

That means the next update will finish sf05. Since it consists of “All the battles and the aftermath” it’s gonna be a long one, and take me some time… but it feels like the kind of thing I really shouldn’t release piecemeal. So, cool your heels, enjoy these scenes, and get ready for the Big Finale.

After that, a short break, then I’ll be working with Lawrence Chu to finalize Stars Fall edits and writing the bonus chapter. That book’ll come out, then I’ll be re-releasing the other books, with additional typo fixes. Kindle owners will be able to re-download them at no cost, I believe.

And then… well, a vacation for me. But I have other writing planned, believe you me.

So, we’re done preparing for war. Is everybody ready? Are you sitting comfortably?

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11 responses

1 12 2011
Lirazel

The village consisted of a thin strip of houses and tiny shops to support the local farmlands, pasted along a highway rolling between the much larger and more prominent town of Dumfries.

I think you’re missing a town here; or else, “between” needs to be “towards”. If you want another town, try Lockerbie. It’s fairly small, and fairly close.

I like Nimue. And it’s nice to see Bennie’s coat again.

2 12 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

Oh, that’s his coat/hat? I was wondering why it was spotlighted. I guess it doesn’t do anything anymore… well… presumably. Better not let the Mister near it.

2 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

No, it’s not Benny’s coat (which was burned) and he never wore a hat. I just wanted something shabby and ordinary to hang on the wall next to a holy scabbard, and figured he’d grab it as a disguise, too.

2 12 2011
Lirazel

Dang!

2 12 2011
Jen Gagne, Psycho Happy artist

I’ll just pretend it’s a _callback_ to Benny’s coat. ;)

1 12 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

Ah, so you did rework the urinalysis. 
Whee, Xmen ref!
I’m surprised they can do magic after conversion. They may know the Way, but the Will?
Whee, Prisoner ref! :)
Sure hope Susie doesn’t have to do that. Maybe it would tie into the prophecy somehow…
I like the Orbitalized Oval Office. 
“but wait what now? …seriously?” — hee hee. 
“Think multiversally” — ugh, good point… I am reminded of when Gilbert found out there were all those other shipyards. And how will they shift out of here, anyway? In the Mermaid? All the arcologies will presumably be down and their capacitors dead anyway. I guess the other chunk of the Gatherers could pick them up. 
Does Edward mean they’ll deliver it to the resistance forces? Or does he mean into the Arcology! I’m assuming the former which is why the change of plan gets no big reaction, but I wonder. Might want to clarify — assuming it should be clear.
Yay Carrie character arc coming even more together. The “I get it now” isn’t something she sudenly gets because she’s pregnant.  She gets it now as opposed to when all this started. 
Maybe Edward will be presented with Excalibur! XD
Yay Matrix refs!
Zomg. It IS Excalibur. o.o Eddie, shouldn’t you know that? And that it’s a good thing to have?
Nice SFX/realization scenelet. 
“run it down” — good idea. Even the smarks will appreciate this. 
“And you’d want me to” — I guess that would make that possible. 
Final update eeeeeeee!!!

Typo patrol: “include rounding”, mimiced, pasttime, less civvies (should be fewer), complement (unless that’s a deliberate angle pun), incredilous, “its plastic” (the plastic), casette, fufill, ,forsee, Forseen

2 12 2011
LoopyChew

according to the message Taamusi passed me from mother

General rule of thumb: If you’re using “Mother” as a name/title, it’s capitalized. If it’s “my mother” or “her mother” as another person, it’s lower case.

“The Wild Hunt is not… typically a defensive act. But we will do what we can,” he insisted.

Ah, I miss Daelyn already.

As in, tap directly into the hybrid crown of Winter and Summer, the crown of Spring. And do what her mother was terrified of doing, embodying the full power of the seasons.

At the very least, I’d change that last comma into a colon. I’d probably also either 1) change this into one long sentence, or more likely 2) have the second sentence start off with “And then, do what…”

Geography had become a new pasttime

“pastime”

The less civvies throw their lives away, the better.

Theoretically, that should be “fewer” for the sake of grammar, but I can see it either way with O’Dare saying it.

lack of funds to buy up steam cannisters

“canisters”

conicidentally at the same time a franchised coffee house had appeared in at one end town.

“coincidentally,” “one end of town”

I’m having a hard time understanding it to

“too”

And in very small print at the bottom, No Wizards Allowed!!.

No need for that last period.

A tiny bell signalled their arrival

“signaled”

one grumbly and irate inkeep,

“innkeep” or “innkeeper.”

“You want your bloody sword or not, Edward?”

Well, it’s not quite getting a sword thrown at him by a watery tart, but…

Excalibur. Or, in the old tongue, Caledfwlch.

…I hadn’t realized it was an actual word. Of course it’s Welsh.

“Because I done that for a few centuries, waiting for you to be born,

Still think it’s “I did that” even with a Welsh affectation.

Could’ve had your pick of the lot, and you took the crown prince of fools…

No, Jesse did.

So, he tried a two handed pull.

Hyphenate.

You figured it out awhile ago.

Need I say?

he’s not just my half brother?

Hyphenate.

I’m sorry, but… are you saying Gilbert Gearhaus should be the rightful King of England?

Looks like shacking up with crown princes of fools isn’t the only thing Jesse and Chloe have in common.

Edward asked, incredilous.

“incredulous”

The inkeep ignored the confused looks from the two kids,

Again.

far too much power of the heralds in far too small of a space

“far too small a space” works better, both in grammar and meter.

No matter what happens in the next twenty four hours,

Hyphenate.

She carefully retrieved the plastic casette from the recorder.

“cassette”

I am SO looking forward to seeing how this shakes out.

2 12 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

RE: Caledfwlch, yeah, never even occurred to me to look it up before! I had just assumed it was some prearranged code to do something, not that the name had meaning. Automatically Google Everything FAIL.

2 12 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

If you drop it into Wikipedia, it takes you RIGHT to Excalibur. I was surprised nobody tried that one.

I promise to do a global search and replace on all HTML in my work directory for “awhile” when I finish.

“I done tried that” is a deliberate slang affectation. But, if it really grates, I guess I can change it.

2 12 2011
LoopyChew

It actually says “I done that,” not “I done tried that.” But even the latter sounds more like jive than Welsh or Scottish, so.

4 12 2011
Micheal

I’d actually known that one, and was sort of surprised that no one else did.

Then again, I saw that same usage a while back in another thing, so that might have been an advantage there. Haha.

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