sf04 is experiencing growing pains

30 10 2011

Whaddya know, I’m done. 20 days and one fairly large chapter in the can.

Enjoy the finale! This one came pretty smoothly, with a few plot-mechanical issues I had to iron out first. sf05 next, and then… done!

Granted, at this point, I have maybe six readers, but I figure once everything is final and on the web it’ll long-tail. I still get new readers for Sailor Nothing, after all. Oddly, the anachronauts TVTropes page helps a lot there, so mad props to Loopychu for starting that page.

Also… by this point, all but four of Emily’s predictions from sf01 have come about. Can you spot them all? Some are obvious, some are not. Let’s see what you think.

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16 responses

30 10 2011
loopychew

ARGH, stupid back button killed my post. There were a few grammatical and hyphenation errors, but I’ll get to the plot bits first and re-tread the other ground later. Does WP have any “are you sure you want to back out?” scripts?

What I’m gathering from the way you wrote things, Van didn’t realize that clip was coming, and it was planted during his semi-pedo session with Carrie. While “mild surprise” is ambiguous enough that it could be “Huh, I don’t remember that clip” or “I was expecting a death ray to be more painful”, it would have been more obviously deliberate had his eyes been closed, as a way of him accepting his fate. Leaked footage declaring that “Essence Capacitors are people!” is a clip that you know is going to get you arrested, at least, if not killed the way he was.

So he was martyred by someone else. Probably for a cause he was willing to die for anyway, but still.

I’d think with Ascendancy technology, once the hard drive were tagged, it’d be out of commission completely. If Ser was trying to kill Van as a two-birds-one-stone thing, it seems more likely that he’d have missed the hard drive and shot through the motherboard, in which case, “computer experts in the crowd salvaged the hard drive on Ivan’s laptop… including the crucial video file, the one with the utterly ridiculous claim” would work just as well.

I guess we know who our final chapter focus cast will be, although I’m hoping Anu joins in a big way. Do I recall correctly that you have sf05 outlined already?

30 10 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Yep, he was editing the clips to trim for time and flow and such, but forgot to stop the dubbing process when he got distracted. So, he didn’t realize that claim was in there.

sf05 isn’t fully outlined, but key moments are locked in, and I have decided what the “takedowns” for each Arcology will be. And… let’s just say I haven’t forgotten Anu.

30 10 2011
Micheal

Oh, do I -ever- look forward to seeing Anu’s vengeance.

30 10 2011
Micheal

I’m still reading.

Surprised by the list on the bear. I wouldn’t have thought they were directly in touch with Barbara (Penny is less of a surprise, since she’s mentioned in Ivan’s stuff earlier in the sequence).

Also: networked Teddy Ruxpins as a message device may be the wackiest covert network, ever.

30 10 2011
Jen Gagne, Psycho Happy artist

Ser is an interesting character. He’s got his own personality and he’s doing his job. A true believer, sure, but not proselytizing.

Nice explanation from Ivan of why he didn’t want to push her to move on.

#occupyatlanta / occupants / occupied — heh. :)

She decides to get food? Aww, that’s sorta sweet.

The “chinese” elf… between this and Florida, it’s interesting how culture-adopting/adapting the elves are. I wonder if they have an innate tendency to do that considering they’re the relatively powerless underlayer of Fae society. I would bet the Queens made sure the most compliant ones survived as they formed their overall society, too.

And the fortune… D’OHHHHH, bit late to figure that out! I mean better late than never, but. I like it that you have the dot graphic a little blurry on purpose. Even the color is like the ink in many fortune cookies. Good job.

Interesting that Ser would call her in like that. If things went the way he hopes, I guess that would work to his advantage on both the “what to do with the superhero?” and “stop the protesters” fronts. Of course it can’t go that way…

Hey, Jim and Bob!! I guess they weren’t entirely incompetent after all… oh. Oh, aww, Bob…

and Ivan! Aaa! … you know, if it went all the way through his chest, there should be some singed people behind him too.

I suppose her future opponents will have oxygen masks. BUT, they’d have to be openly attacking her and now the entire populace is on alert. To actually wipe Atlanta off the map like the Atlanteans would be worse PR than just hightailing it, soooo… this may work.

“salvaged the video files” — I’m not surprised they could do this. Sounds like the blast basically went through the screen.

Huh, the mayor and police are officially out to get Astro Gal? So the Ascendancy _does_ still have influence here, or…? But still, hopefully they’ll leave Atlanta mostly alone.

Typos: her and her terrorist (should be “she and her”), greeter her, antropology, arguements (x2), queueing, manuverability, sheilds, amoung, pushpuns, amatuer, casette (throughout), whom (maybe? not sure, too lazy to look that up), people people, sheilds, mouth as moving

30 10 2011
loopychew

Jim and Bob? Did I miss something?

30 10 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Yah, the confessional video from the Ascendancy guy was shot by Jim. Or Bob. The more competent of the two.

Nobody behind Ivan being hit is because he was on the raised stage. It’s why nobody in front of him got hit, either.

As for the mayor, he HAS to claim to be in the Ascendancy’s corner, since they are legitimate allies of America. Same with the cops. But notice the police aren’t exactly busting down doors to find her, and likely will never put in more than a token and misdirected effort to claim they’re complying.

31 10 2011
LoopyChew

Crap, how did I miss that? (Shot by Jim.)

30 10 2011
Lirazel

The pace of this chapter was so fast, it nearly felt like a story from a different book. Not a bad thing — it’s just tight and speedy, but it doesn’t feel like anything is missing, as I’ve sometimes noted in other chapters. Poor Ivan — I like the way he got to be a mensch.

A couple of things… the “citizens above” notice when the Chief’s desk falls on a luxury car?

Also, “sheilds”.

31 10 2011
Micheal

Dug these back up to take another look at the predictions, since you mentioned.

~~
Undying, with a bitter taste of ash where logic once held sway.
Warm life and cold death twice over, on the hunt anew.
Water from a far away empire, in which mermaids now swim to distant shores.
Glowing golden eyes of rage, an awakening summer sleep.
They will no longer lie down, after one falls.
All together, speaking in one magnetic voice.
His merciful punishment, carried on artificial winds.
Faintly flickering satisfaction within the burning metal wheel.
A fertile river valley, harrowing and winding, but ending in a welcoming land before a great hill shaped like a witch’s hat.
A shattered and murdered world, half in flame, half in ice, the crowns divided.
Undying, with a bitter taste of ash where logic once held sway…
~~

As I look at this, actually, the only one I feel like I can pin down for sure is still Scout (on the hunt anew).

The Golden Eyes thing feels familiar. I know I should have that one handy.

I suspect the “after one falls” was Ivan, but it’s also arguable that it was Una, given her current status.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Seattle is going to be the “artificial winds” one.

“One magnetic voice” has to be the teddygram, come to think.

The “water” one also feels like I should be able to pin it down. I’m not so sure there’s enough survivors of Atlantis at this point for it to be about that, though. Hrm.

That’s all I have.

31 10 2011
LoopyChew

Er, I was trying to reply to you and I accidentally simply made a new post.

31 10 2011
LoopyChew

“After one falls” was explicitly noted at the Van Buren memorial, so that’s him. It’s specifically noted by 2F here that “after one falls” happens in 04, so there’s that. And since he says there that they happen in the order in which Emily saw them, obviously only the last four (“artificial winds” through “the crowns divided”) haven’t happened.

“Bitter taste of ash” is the destruction of #A076.
“On the hunt anew” is, as you said, Scout.
“Water from a far away empire” is teapot teapot teapot, I teapot.
“Glowing golden eyes of rage” is Los Muertos going into rage mode with Maria close by.
“One magnetic voice” is definitely the Huggable Ursine Message Delivery Service. I was originally hoping it was a Moscow thing, but evidently not.

31 10 2011
Lirazel

Huggable Ursine Message Delivery Service
<3

31 10 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

“I’m Teddy Ruxpin! I want to be your friend! And deliver you from an oppressive alien invasion fleet.”

Good guesses, all. I think this late in the game I should actually drop some clarifications — I can retcon the prophecies to make them more clear, since a few are being misguessed…

Undying, bitter ash = Lar. He was ressurected into a new body and is pretty close to a Science Lich. He’s also been called bitter a few times, and has lost his logic, seeing only revenge.

Water from a distant empire through which mermaids swim = The Quantum Mermaid (it’s even in the name) with its water-based RealWare engine, which comes from a distant empire (the Unreal Estate unvierse).

Nailed it on all the others. Los Muertos are explicitly said to have yellow eyes, and awaken through Summerlion magic through Maria. “He fell so that we could rise” was left at Ivan’s memorial, which ties him to that one. One magnetic voice is the reason why I specifically called the teddy network as based on magnetic tape.

As for the last four… they have yet to come to pass.

1 11 2011
Micheal

Oh, DAMMIT.

I totally should have come up with the Realware Engine reference, too.

And Los Muertos. Darnit.

I am apparently a slacker oracle.

1 11 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

If it helps, I messed up and need to change one of the prophecies next time I go in and write. The ending as I’d planned it doesn’t work — but it’ll work fine if I change the one about the valley. I’ll post more details later, once I start sf05.

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