sf03 is making contingency plans

12 09 2011

It’s been a week, hasn’t it? Okay, then you can have the rest of sf03. We’re draft complete.

There was a lot of nuts-and-bolts to work out here, in terms of who does what and why this doesn’t work and why that works. I THINK it all locks together nicely. I hope it all locks together nicely. The next chapter shouldn’t need a hell of a lot of interlocking, so it might be easier to write… but all I have right now is an idea of how it ends and a few things that happen along the way, sooo… no idea.

Seat of your pants! It’s the only way to fly.

I think the next thing I do will be to actually go back and take a few stories out of draft status. None of the Stars Fall tales are out of draft yet, which ain’t good; now that I’ve got that one tiny retcon done, I think it’s safe to finalize them. If I need to change anything else, don’t worry, I’ll let you know.

In my RL, I have some heavy work weeks coming up, and City of Heroes is doing its next big content launch. I’ve got some writing I do over there, thanks to its storytelling system. It’s not a perfect tool, but neither was Neverwinter Nights, and I’ve been having plenty of fun with it. So, a soft week of anachronauts editorial work and preproduction is what I need.

So, sf03. Was it good for you?




16 responses

12 09 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

Spoilers ahead. Go read chapter first!

— My first thought: Plan A never works! Nice of Gilbert to lampshade that.
— “what your parents will have to sacrifice in order to win” — ooh, ominous… Yeah, Plan A is totally doomed. And B. Maybe C too. DOOM.
— “same mother” — revelation!! Details to follow, no doubt.
— Plan D, just composed on the spot. Ooh. And dynamically modding even though the caster is KO’d?! Archmagus indeed!
— Oh yeah, almost forgot about Ik’ai. Nice that he stuck around with a cover ID and all. Huh, come to think of it, that might have been his cover ID even before Raph split.
— so… They already made it to the Mermaid? Even though the Ascendancy had patrol guards parked outside? I’m confrozzled.
— Yay Rwq having a conscience and/or the pragmatism to not trigger revolt. But nuuuu Clockwork Mermaid! ;_; so… If this was the plan… Then presumably Jeeves was going to evac Cammy off the ship somehow before this happened. And, minor detail, aren’t they flying on jetpacks? Whoever threw that half brick can apparently throw pretty high.
— ” The woman, howling in rage” — oho, so that’s why he’s freaking out! Nice reveal to round out the chapter. Hmm. Esrever and Anu could never leave their mirrors, but Esrever could let people in. We don’t know what Anu can do, if anything. Clearly she can’t hurt Lar… Yet. At least not by just grabbing him. Still…. Heheheh.

Typo patrol: expecing, panicing (maybe?), Ascenancy

12 09 2011

Plan D, just composed on the spot. Ooh. And dynamically modding even though the caster is KO’d?! Archmagus indeed!

That WAS particularly badass.

And, minor detail, aren’t they flying on jetpacks? Whoever threw that half brick can apparently throw pretty high.

The narrative I can piece together, Rwq tried to save the ship until it crashed somewhere in the Thames (which runs due SE of the Palace), and more or less followed its descent. It could probably stand to be more explicitly shown, though; maybe he touches down as he gives up on the airship, just before he starts asking who threw the first stone.

Nice reveal to round out the chapter.


panicing (maybe?)

Yes; it’s “panicking.”

12 09 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

I guess I need to make it clearer, but I was being deliberately vague as to which “Mermaid” they were going to leave Camille, King of Pain, and Jeeves at. It was the Quantum Mermaid. They’d already packed up everything of value and moved it from the Clockwork Mermaid earlier in that day. Hence why KoP was toying with napkins and why there was a closet with a broom nearby.

Problem is, not sure WHERE to make that clearer. There’s not much room in here for things like that.

12 09 2011

It’s not the bit about “the Mermaid” that’s confusing–that bit of narrative sleight-of-hand worked out well enough. If you want to reinforce that the previous actions happened in the QM and not the CM without giving away the reveal, then show maybe have Jeeves pour Edward his latte (probably in disgust, with it not being tea and all), or maybe have Gilbert reactivate him on his return, or something.

Rather, Jen was wondering how, if Rwq were jetpacking when the Clockwork Mermaid went down and he was asking what the hell happened, a half-brick managed to clock him when presumably he was still a few dozen feet in the air. Someone’s got one hell of a throwing arm.

12 09 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

Hmmm… well we know her conversation with KoP was on the CM since he was “the only intriguing thing left on the Clockwork Mermaid.”

If the “goodbye Cammy” scene was on the QM, I guess Jen is making herself scarce. But she raids a broom closet for a broom — it can’t be a nano broom, right? Then again I guess Jen’s nano efforts are mostly for outside appearances.

Oh and typo: “it in the manual”

12 09 2011

As I understand it, the QM is a repurposed, authentic Starbucks shop, of which many have sprung up in between FS and now. Jen is a barista, but we know she’s now considered independent from NanoSeattle, the way Clarke is; it’d make sense that nothing else at the QM is made of nanotechnology.

However, you’re right in that it does invite questions as to why Jen or the other residents of the QM (or, hell, customers) don’t interfere with Cammy’s “escape.”

The one other possibility I’d suggest to cover this is that the escape scene does take place aboard the CM, and that King deposits Jeeves aboard the QM off-screen (without turning him on, obviously). If King knows the end destination for the party is the QM, then there’s no reason he couldn’t get Jeeves over there via fireplace or something.

14 09 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Hm. I think I need to modify my blog to allow several levels of nested reply. (EDIT: Done! Now goes 10 levels deep. Although it’ll also get VERY NARROW.)

The QM is actually largely nanotech. That’s why when it dropped by Brazil, Jen was able to reshape it to look like a completely run down and destroyed coffee shop, and reshape herself to look like a zombie. But that’s the full limit of her abilities; disguise, and little else. Same disguise method she pulled in Forsaken Shores, just on a grander scale.

As for the broom, nanoobjects are still objects. They don’t fall apart when removed. Jen might miss having the nanomatter around if she needs to consolidate herself for something big, though.

12 09 2011

One more typo I caught this time around, from a previous update: “souveniers” (should be “souvenirs,” without the second e). I suppose you’d catch that on spellcheck, but just in case.

13 09 2011

I find I want to know more about Camille’s thinking as she learns of/deduces/extrapolates from Plans A, B, and C. Otherwise, it kind of reads like she had a magikcal spasm of sorts. In Gilbert’s case, you show us the logic and the flexibility, and also where these end. In Cammie’s case, I’d like to see more of that.

13 09 2011
Jen Gagne, Psycho Happy artist

Well, she’s been spying on them, eh? She knew at least enough about Plan A to catch up with them even though they had a few minutes lead time to get away from the Mermaid.

13 09 2011

That doesn’t explain sufficiently why she knew Plan C was a suicide option. She’d have to deduce it, and she’d also have to realize she could morph it with magic AND suddenly have the insight (ooo, there’s a word!) to realize she already knew the magic for doing this.

14 09 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Mommy and Daddy basically said “You guys leave, we’ll fight them” when they had been emphasizing all along how dangerous it was to confront the Ascendancy. I could have Chloe throw in a “but you’ll be killed!” or something to emphasize the point, though — or maybe some instructions from Jesse like “Don’t turn back, no matter what you hear, and be ready to leave without us.”

I don’t think it’s too much of a leap for Camille to realize her parents are not going to survive that fight, and that they’re trying to protect her with their lives.

14 09 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

I think it’s reasonable for them all to deduce or at least suspect it’s suicidal for them to stay, but I also think it would make sense for Jesse or Gilbert to explicitly say “Leave as soon as you get there, do NOT wait for us.” instead of “That’s your sanctuary.”

The “That’s your sanctuary.” line makes it sound like they’ll be hiding out there and perhaps staying, not hightailing it out of there immediately.

If nothing else, they’d want to make sure that the Royals know what to do.

14 09 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

This is nothing you need to clarify in the story, but for my own curiosity — let’s suppose Cammy ditches the broom at some point and then they leave England.

Can Jen get a fresh supply of nanomatter from Seattle? Or maybe she has some stashed somewhere. Or… well actually I guess she could just make new nanomatter from eating things…

OTOH given what I recall of the bonus story, maybe she CAN’T make new nanomatter considering the ______ was trying to track down every scrap of it later.

Or maybe the independent nanomatter people have a sort of intelligent core and the nanomatter that they use to build out their externals, the cafe, etc. is all relatively dumb and rebuildable.

14 09 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

They were able to drink nano-built coffee in fs03, without horrific results when humans drank it. Exactly how intelligent a nanoconstruct is depends on how and why it was build, I’d suspect. It can’t ALL be sapient, even if a good amount of it is.

I doubt Jen can replace her nanostuff, unless she heads back to Seattle. But it’s just a broom. I won’t even pretend it’ll be a difference maker that she’s missing two pounds of matter.

18 10 2011
Andrew Sacchetti

Late reading and commenting. Catching up….

I like the concept of hunting the wild hunt. I do not think it strange hat Scout might get it quickly, as a shift in perspective can allow tings to click.

“You’ll find no more wily an opponent than a toddler,” Heh, yeah.
I really like their consultation with Cammy about whether to fight the bullies.

I LOVED the scene with Camille initially refusing to give the coin to her parents.
By the way, you know your parents are cool when you’d rather go out with them than hang with a celestial robot and a demonic drug fiend,.

“It wasn’t cowardice, but it was fear. She had so much to lose, now…” Good line.

“I listen. Mom and dad talk all the time about things, and assume I’m not paying attention, or that I can’t hear them. But I’m good at listening,” Kids hear much much more than some think.

During this chapter I think Cammy became my favorite character.

Obviously, with so many mentions of Plan C, we’re going to use it…I like Plan D, and the quote: “And if this was not within her grasp, she would make it be so.”

Nice chapter ending!

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