sf03 makes a semitriumphant return

22 08 2011

Planning to plan is still technically a plan.

Posting this blog entry from my phone, over 3G. Why? Because Verizon apparently hates WordPress tonight. Honestly, my one big night where I do a major story update for the first time in two weeks, and I gotta poke it in on a virtual keyboard. Pardon any typos.

So, with these new scenes comes two retcons. Gasp! Shock! Well, no big deal, actually. The key difference is that Camille got a glamour amulet for her birthday, rather than Susie getting one. Originally Susie was going to sneak aboard the ship and go to London, see — but as I was writing it made more sense for her to stay home and Cammy to handle that aspect of the plot. That’s all.

With that out of the way, heres new story content. Enjoy, and feedback welcome. Note that I’ll be at PAX this coming weekend so we aren’t back to a fully regular update schedule yet. Thanks.

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11 responses

22 08 2011
Loopychew

as the mystique of J-33VES relied on the strange combination of archaic clockwork and angelic steam

Despite being the “J-33 Valet and Equerry System,” the canon contraction established is J33-VES.

if he was capable of detecting threats using something modern than his single monocular input.

I think you mean “more” modern.

“Right! …and perhaps some hanky panky?” Gilbert suggested, eager.

I’m surprised you didn’t throw in a little wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say-no-more in here, for some reason.

23 08 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Whoops. Guess that’s going in there with “Una point zero one” as “Punctuation errors it’s too late to really do anything about.”

I figured hanky panky was pushing it (as was the “mistress” line, which, if you have the right mentality, could imply a whole world of lemon fanfic). Just glad they didn’t get naughtier in front of the potted plant.

6 09 2011
LoopyChew

Hm. The acronym has actually only been used twice previously; I’ll probably make the amendment in the FS revisions after I’m done with all the corrections to SF.

22 08 2011
Loopychew

Oh, and Doctor Feelgood changed his name to King of Pain in lf03. DF was his old name. Although maybe it’s time to change it up again?

22 08 2011
Loopychew

(I propose something from the Stones this time, like “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” or, and this fits thematically in both the drugs and this episode, “Mother’s Little Helper.”)

23 08 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Writer error, there. I forgot which name he changed FROM and which name he changed TO. I’ll redact this chapter so he’s going by King of Pain, as he should be.

22 08 2011
Jen Gagne, Psycho Happy artist

Yay for Benny keeping them well-informed. Glad Dr. F worked out how he was passing messages. And I like it that Gilbert just so happens to have a SEM. Really, the whole structure of that sentence is amusing. :D

Potted plant ZOMG! Gee, who could that be. ;)

Hyphenate: poorly handled

“with which he could craft” — change the which to a whom

“give for having” — give to have

I must have a dirty mind, because this sounded all kinds of wrong to me: “she fingered one of her prized posessions, previously buried under piles of clean underwear”

22 08 2011
Loopychew

I understood that -ly adverbs aren’t meant to be hyphenated when they precede the adjective.

22 08 2011
Jen Gagne, Psycho Happy artist

Ahh, you’re right — I forgot. Adverbs in general don’t get hyphenated. (And I call myself an editor! For shame!)

22 08 2011
Loopychew

I don’t think it’s like that. You can talk about a well-oiled machine, or a smooth-running machine, so it’s not ALL adverbs; I’m reasonably certain it’s just -ly adverbs.

22 08 2011
Jen, Psycho Happy artist

Nevermind then. I know nothing.

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