sa09 will meet you at the food court

11 04 2011

I don’t think I’ve set foot in a Tower Records in aeons.

Can’t say this is a late update; it’s still Monday. I’m just glad I could get some stuff up, as I’ve had a very busy weekend, and the time I was expecting to be enjoying a government shutdown turned out not to be.

…the fact that I could ENJOY a shutdown shows I need some vacation time, desperately. I’m taking a week off in May. I’ll probably focus my Stars Fall preplanning and maybe some writing in that time; I expect to have sa09 done soon.

Short blog post. Story focused. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

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21 responses

12 04 2011
lirazel

Oh man… that was, I have to say, brilliant. And nearly made me lose my supper, really and truly.

12 04 2011
eyeless1

*Snicker*
Heh, I hear you with the enjoying shutdowns. I’ve been on once-every-two-week furloughs for the past year or so, and now that they’re over (probably only temporarily; I need to get a different job) it’s weird how much less free time I have. I actually got used to only working 72 hours every two weeks; that sounds so lazy. :)
Oh, and: “but Van shouted down the idea right down.” <– Too many downs.
And poor Carrie. Her anti-psych training should have probably told her that, invulnerable as she is, mind attacks pit her own invulnerability against itself; at least that’s what I’m assuming is going on. It would be a bit of a twist to see Van finding out about her “secret identity” because she had to spend the night in the hospital, still wearing the mask. :)
Honestly, the boy is a bit of an idiot for not already at least suspecting Carrie of being Astral Gal. I mean, there’s so much evidence right in front of his face, all from recent events:
1) She’s unusually strong, and used to hiding her power.
2) Practically the same night as he has an emotional conversation with Carrie about how he feels all depressed about his situation and concerned about the other Dead Presidents, here comes a mysterious heroine to save the day.
3) Not only are they the same body type/hair color/etc, but Carrie takes special pains to change her appearance the day they head back to school.
4) Carrie’s comic book fandom.
I mean, really, it doesn’t take a Mensa candidate to put 1+1+1+1 together. :D

12 04 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Re: *Snicker*
To be fair, Astro Gal’s only been around for two days, and Van only heard about her on the second day. But you may be onto something, there. :)

12 04 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Next scene may be a bit brutal. I suggest an empty stomach.

12 04 2011
Anonymous

Nice use of Zalgo ! How about mixing some sub, sup, small and big html tag along with it ?
—-
So won’t the general public blame Astro Gal for, well, existing if there is a wave of new supervillain ? (but at the same time, there wouldn’t but any Supermain without Lex Luter, Batman without the Joker, etc.)
-HP

12 04 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Originally I was going to use mixed italics, bolds, size changes, etc. But I dig pure Zalgo for it. ZALGO waits in the walls. He comes. HE COMES. ZALGO
That’s a question for the ages, escalation. May be a bit of a backlash if more costumed nuts show up. But think of it like the modern Batman movies; costumed nuts are few and far between. Street crime is more common.

12 04 2011
jengagne

“I don’t think I’ve set foot in a Tower Records in aeons.” — that would be because they went bankrupt in 2006. n.n;
— So she started braiding her hair after Astro Gal was seen with her hair down, is that right?
— “sherrif” — sheriff
— Twin Pines Mall — Hee hee.
— Fürni — The first rule of Fürni is that we do not talk about Fürni.
— the critical issue of sweaters — *snicker* Although… I suggest changing it to “skirt” since this is The South and sweaters are prolly not too common…
— Fun text effect. (is that gonna work in the book? Interesting…)
— EEEK Astro Gal ohnoes!!

12 04 2011
lirazel

I had the same book question — but it sure as Hell works on the screen. Oh, my poor head….

12 04 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

I hesitated to use Zalgo text effects, since my original version for spells was to use unicode characters that turn sentences upside down and a lot of folks said their browser couldn’t see it. That’s why spells are inline images now. But the effect here was too good to resist.
As for the printed version, it’s looking like there won’t BE a printed version (not cost effective) so that’s moot.

12 04 2011
lirazel

I am not sure I saw what you wanted us to see. I wil send a screenshot from home tonight. It was sitill horribly wrong, though.

12 04 2011
kamalloy

Bizarrely enough, the post with the previous update didn’t show up on my friends list. I will blame Russia and move on!
So, comments on Thursday’s update and yesterday’s update.
Nitpicking: Van originally said Jackson would probably give his mother the comb, not his sister. Van could have guessed wrong, but there’s still a small inconsistency between the earlier and later scenes.
With nitpicking out of the way, excellent scenes. The jade golem was amusing until it became genuinely serious and the mood shifted nicely to match that. The scenes at the mall were head-breaking, and the font-shifting effects were great. Did Madison have backup hair dryers on standby?
Also, I didn’t realize until now the Dead Presidents’ names were their actual names, not just aliases they took. Jackson and Madison are common enough, and Garfield a little less so. But is Van’s last name Buren, or is he Van Buren Somelastname?
And Carrie, I would like to give you many hugs.

12 04 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

I think I went back and changed it to sister in one of my edits. I’ll doublecheck. Normally once I draft up a scene it locks in, but sometimes I have to go back and twist it a little to make a later scene work.
Madison’s not really the queen of planning ahead. She had one hair dryer and that was it. Given she didn’t even think a Frontliners assault unit was a problem (you don’t have to see someone to blow their ass up with a rocket launcher or douse them in napalm) the power was clearly getting to her head.
Their names… I haven’t gone into much detail about this, but the idea is that it’s a lovely coincidence that they have appropriate names. There are poor bastards named Garfield out there, and after 200 years, it’s lost its lasagna-cat affiliation. In Van’s case, his real name is just Van; his friends added the Buren to it to make the theme stick. He went with it, of course.

13 04 2011
Anonymous

Nicely done I have to say.
That said the part about a sharpshooter shooting out the battery of the hairdryer does require some suspension of reality … if there was reality to begin with in this universe.
Dependant on where the hairdryer was on her person, a regular calibre sniper rifle would have tore through it and through her. There also would have been shrapnel of some form, even if only small pieces.
Lastly I believe standard protocol when dealing with a hostile with a weapon is to go for the kill. If orders are to take them alive you’d still go for an incapacitating shot. Shooting out a battery is akin to shooting a gun out of a perps hands.
That said this is just nitpicking. Enjoyed the pace and flow of it . Nicely done =)

13 04 2011
lirazel

Aha! I think I sense an Escaflowne homage, too…

13 04 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Both of them were looking for a solution which wouldn’t involve killing her — that could’ve been easily done with overwhelming firepower, or just Astro Gal plowing into the sensory mass at warp speed and smashing into Madison. Being a hero means taking the risky but morally upright option instead of the easy and vicious option.
Plus, she wasn’t standing on front of the hair dryer, blocking the line of fire — that’s why Astro Gal came in from the west wing, so she’d be turned 90 degrees, with the best chance of a clear shot.
As for proper protocol and plausibility… well, hero stories are very much about reaching for ideals, even if they’re unlikely.

13 04 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

One thing to add: the dryer and pinwheel were duct taped to her shopping cart of loot rather than being held in her hands. If i forgot to put that in the story I’ll add it with the next update.

13 04 2011
jengagne

Already in there: “It hit the battery operated hair dryer attached to her shopping cart.” And it doesn’t say they shot the battery itself, Ken, just the hair dryer itself. A hairdryer is not what I’d call a difficult target for a sharpshooter.
And yeah, the whole point of the “calling in the hero” exercise is that Dare doesn’t want to go for the standard protocol, as she explained. Also, shooting Madison would’ve achieved nothing since the pinwheel would’ve kept on spinning.

14 04 2011
eyeless1

“Also, shooting Madison would’ve achieved nothing since the pinwheel would’ve kept on spinning.”
Hm, now there’s an interesting question, because as we saw it seemed Madison actually had some amount of control over the direction and intensity of the nausea wave, even though in the text she was holding onto neither the pinwheel nor the hair dryer. That implies conscious control, which means that the effect might not have persisted if she were to lose consciousness/be killed.
Guess we’ll never know for sure though, huh?

14 04 2011
jengagne

Guess we won’t really know, no. My assumption: the pinwheel was like a forward cone attack since Madison wasn’t affected, and that she was controlling the intensity just through the aim of her shopping cart.

25 04 2011
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