sa08 is a story about a boy, a girl, and a universe

20 02 2011

I can’t think of anything witty to write for the link line.

I tweaked and tuned these three new scenes considerably before letting them out the door. I call rights to tweak them further as I refine what this story is really about.

It’s looking like this one will be a long story, but it’s all important for one reason or another. Critical character reveals. Points to be made. Even basic worldbuilding, like the transition in scene two out to the west, to show off a bit of the world we haven’t seen in awhile and depict what’s new. Way I see it, ideal stories are exactly as long as they have to be; no shorter, no longer. Just how it is.

Editing continues on the Forsaken Shores book. …well, not really, I kinda paused after doing my editor’s pass over fs03, but I’ll be getting back to it soon so I can prep and release it. My goal is to have all the books aside from Stars Fall out in print before Stars Fall ends, but that might not be happening. If the anachronauts series “ends,” be sure to keep it bookmarked, since it’s not totally over until everything’s in bits and ink.

So, here we have the start of Kas and Yew’s Excellent Adventure. Your thoughts?

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6 responses

20 02 2011
eyeless1

And yet, in winning the argument, she lost the more important goal of expanding her horizons, which I love.
It’s almost too bad that the writing is on the wall for Kas to have a growth arc this chapter. I like the character, and almost want her to remain static so as to see her in later chapters. :) She’d have an interesting time of it, too. Currently she is largely isolated from the larger Orbital society by both her religion–I’d almost call it a caste, even–and her own perception of what her caste calls for her to be. By Stars Fall she’ll be a major celebrity, much like Ben Franklin was in the years before and during the Revolution, the kind of celebrity that will invite her to all the fashionable hedonistic parties she hates, but the kind that will also isolate her from society again by placing her on a pedestal.

20 02 2011
jengagne

— The whole scene with Tillman is great.
— Love the “yrpretty!” there.
— lepidoptera — since I guess it would be plural, how about lepidopterans? Lepidopterae? I don’t know Latin…
— “Daring settlers to the west — as well as risk-takers to the east” — shouldn’t both “to” really be “from”? Nobody was coming from west of Vegas, eh?
— I am amused that Vegas is partly build from glamour, and here they are in the Mirage. But then again that’s why the Mirage’s name is so appropriate in RL too: a desert mirage…
— “you need but mention Big Vinnie” — hee hee
— “retiring to our room” — or “rooms”? Is she still thinking Tillman will be in the other one?
— So how long will it take Yew to gamble herself into indentured servitude? Heheheh…
— “complementary” – complimentary
— “Manufacturered” – extra “re”
— Heheh, I love their little debates here.
— Aww, but she didn’t actually answer his question! But they certainly had a thorough conversation there… Ah, and now I see she realizes she didn’t.

20 02 2011
luridel

“And yet, in winning the argument, she lost the more important goal of expanding her horizons, which I love.”
Same.
Actually, I think it would be nice if – in the event Kas does decide to expand her horizons and become a bit more open – for -her- to be the one to choose exactly who she wants to spend time with, when, and under what circumstances. So far, it’s been Yew making those decisions for her, I think, and she’s been going along with it very reluctantly. I’d really hate for Kas to give in to Tillman in the long run because he’s the only option that’s been presented to her.

20 02 2011
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Interesting interpretations, all. Thanks. :) Feedback like this actually helps me shape characters, especially ones that are in flux like Kas — this story started out as “And then they figured out how to recycle capacitors!” and nothing more in my notes. I’m approaching it in a very fluid way and figuring out who these people are and where they’re going as I go along.

22 02 2011
kamalloy

Would Kas also figure that engaging in relations with Tillman would inspire feelings of jealousy in Yew, thus adding another unnecessary complication to the proceedings?
(Yes, I am deliberately trying to be as Orbital-sounding as possible there!)

22 02 2011
jengagne

Since Tillman is not interested in Yew and Kas knows it (and arguably Yew knows it too, judging by her pout and “But I’m the Botanist!” comment) then the effect on Yew is the same either way.
Besides, hopefully Yew is too pragmatic to make it into a real stumbling block. It hasn’t interfered so far.
But if Kas is hesitant and feels a need to jimmy up excuses to hesitate, just like she makes excuses to not relax… then that might be one of them, I bet.

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