sa07 goes down swinging

31 10 2010

It’s a crisis, or something.

It’s technically the 31st as of posting this. Given I skipped Tuesday I may as well go ahead and release, rather than waiting until I wake up.

With this, we conclude sa07 neighbors. The final scenes wrote themselves; I had a burst of excited energy after a successful Halloween Rock Band party. RB3’s limitations and screwups are many, but none of them apply to “put dudes in room, rock the hell out” local play. All had a groovy time and we played many an hour. I was too skittery-happy-excited to just crash out, so. Writing. Here you go.

Problem is, I have no idea what to do for the Tuesday update. I don’t have an sa08 in mind, and no ideas for lf03 beyond “They go to Spain, and stuff happens?“. So, I may end up skipping the next update so I have time to outline up something and get it lookin’ sharp. If I rush this it’s just gonna make the story suuuuuck.

One thing I’d like to do is an eventual followup story with young Astro Gal. That may be a bonus story for an eventual Second Age book, or it might happen during the next time skip, or something. Not sure. I’m guessing you guys would be amicable to teen heroine antics.

Anyway. Here’s sa07. I have yet to implement changes from earlier feedback, so it’s not FINAL, just draft complete. Enjoy, and your feedback/reactions to the completed story are welcome.




12 responses

31 10 2010

It is not entirely clear who did what to Louis/Mindmelter. Not sure if that’s just because I’m tired or not.

31 10 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Rather than explain right here in the blog, I’ll wait until we can get some more feedback on this. Is it clear for anyone else? I can change how it’s worded if it’s not clear.

31 10 2010

Clear enough to me, though it did take a little careful reading.
“And I. . . I… I stand here, right here, and I’m supposed to say something. I say, ‘Everything that has a beginning has an end, Neo.'”

31 10 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Still, I think I better make it more clear. I’ve edited it accordingly. (Highlight to read.)
Pilot Louis of the Frontliners immediately took off like a rocket, a streak of psychic power arcing from the marble floor of the memorial, headed skyward at great speed…
…before slamming straight down into the top of the active volcano, high above. Right into the lava.
They could feel the scream of Doctor Mindmelter across their frontal lobes, suddenly silenced as Louis Jones did his duty.

1 11 2010

Well that revision is very clear.
Mind telling the latecomers what the first draft said, purely for curiosity’s sake?

1 11 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

It wasn’t as specific in its language as to WHAT flew off (it just said ‘a streak’) or where it ended up (no mention of the lava).
Okay, now that it’s fixed, aside from this one bit… how’s the rest of the story?

2 11 2010

— I get a sense that this dehydration scenario has been directly experienced. Poor kid.
— YARGH re: sea monsters. Again… directly experienced, clearly. o_o;;
— Issue #65. Yeah, she’s got issues. Awwwr…
and… too sleepy to finish reading, believe it or not. I’ll try again tomorrow!

2 11 2010

Oh, I was almost done! *readread* Spoilers ahoy, can’t see any other way to comment clearly…
— Interesting scenario for Dr. Mindmelter’s return after their arrival in Hawaii… and now. Oh dear.
— I wonder if Carrie has aged somewhat since the original custody hearings and/or in the last 200 years. He’s talking to her like she’s four years old and expects her to actually listen (or perhaps he’s just that kinda guy). I mean, she had to hit teenagerhood at _some_ point.
— On an unrelated note, I wonder who she gets her immortality from. Mom? We already know she can’t starve/etc. to death. Guess they’d need to be killed to death.
— Hopefully even as they play up the Comic Hero Rescue, she can keep her Secret Identity for sanity’s sake.
— Ah Emily. So matter of fact about all this. Guess she’d have to be compared to some of the things she’s seen… and years of being the Queens…
— Hmm. I miss Scout.
— Back and forth? Secret offer? Oooooh. I have a prediction here but I’ll tell ya later!

2 11 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Carrie’s been locked as a 14 year old for a long time now. In her world, radiation is more likely to give you superpowers than leukemia. They got it Reed Richards style, from a family trip into outer space. End result is that while she has memories for 200+ years, emotionally and physically she’s a perma-teen and can’t mature. Which is not very fun at all.
I’ll have more about this when I do a standalone SA story about her. It’s intriguing to me and I feel the need to write!
…and yes, he treats her like a four year old because he is a douchebag to the nth degree.
I do need to do more with Scout. I’m pondering my options there. He’s kind of a silent behind the scenes enforcer.

2 11 2010

One thing I’d really love to see, even just briefly, is Scout with Susie. As far as I can remember, we’ve seen Mommy Emily with her daughter, but not Daddy Scout.

2 11 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Methinks we have a possible story starter here.

3 11 2010

Really? Awesome, I’ll keep an eye out for it!

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