sa07 goes once more onto the beach

24 10 2010

Bag and board ’em while you got ’em.

Research, outlining, and scenes all in one day. Very rough; I put this update off to the last minute because I was completely distracted by the stuff going on in Second Life right now. Not only are we running a four day fishing festival for 7Seas, but last night was our Child’s Play Charity Rally.

A harrowing experience, to be sure; I was worried we wouldn’t even come close to prior year totals, what with the economic downturn and general SL downturn. In the end, though, with donation matching, we cracked US$1000. I’ll call that a victory for the kids. And no doubt I’ll be giving a bit more when Desert Bus for Hope starts up again; it’s the perfect combo of malice and generosity.

Anyway. sa07. This is the second serving of the story; the first being the rapid fire visits to various locations. Now, one lengthy visit to one location, to do some good, or die trying. Feedback welcome.

Note I may be skipping the Wednesday update. Rock Band 3 is coming out on Tuesday and I intend to be playing it all through Wednesday. I’ll try to work on some chapters ahead of time, but it’s gonna be a rough bunch of days, so it may not happen.

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9 responses

24 10 2010
jengagne

— “unabled descent” : a whaa?
— “military-themed romance epic” : Awwrrrr. :D
— “HALEY’S COMET” : I suspect that’s Haley as in the girl’s name, as opposed to a misspelling of the actual comet (“Halley”)
— “climate controlled inside” : how, with no electricity? Perhaps you mean breezy, no more humid than the outdoors? To me climate controlled means air conditioning.
— “the tree of them as they leafed” : Tree, leaf, hee hee. But presumably you mean “three” :D
— Love the narration-as-dialogue! Heheheh. Awesome. And… wheee!

25 10 2010
jengagne

Oh and — this is significant I think:
“The lone defender recalled the circumstances that led to her arrival in the Hawaii,” Elisa quickly supplied.
That means Elisa is flat-out assuming this kid is 200 years old — or from somewhere other than Hawaii. Equally unlikely assumptions. How about something more general and superheroish like “The lone defender recalled her origin story” or somesuch? Then after she mentions the Pandora-esque flash, they can be surprised that she’d even mention it. As it is they just take that in stride, relatively.
Hmm, I dunno. Origin story could go before that. Just… I dunno, “arrival in Hawaii” has a lot of assumptions, that’s what I’m saying in rather unclear fashion!

25 10 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Yeah, I’ll revamp that bit accordingly. It doesn’t make much sense as-is.

25 10 2010
tozetre

“entry into Los Muetros” – misspelled Muertos.
“unabled descent” – VTOL?
Loving Hawaii so far. The other stuff… I gotta admit, the repeated and increasingly catastrophic failures got kinda depressing. Could use some sort of small break in the tension, maybe? *shrug*

25 10 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

That’s the plan. I don’t think it’s a megaspoiler to say that they’re going to end up saving the girl and thus coming out of this having done a good, uplifting deed. (Which is not to say it’ll be a walk in the park.)
Hopefully, by the end, we’ll Feel Good that in the end we saved a soul even if there were a lot of bumps along the way due to poor planning.

25 10 2010
tozetre

Yay! ^_^

25 10 2010
lirazel

“Minature tube growing vegetables?”
Miniature tuber-growing vegetables, I think.
And very nice, too.

25 10 2010
kowh

They’re internet vegetables.

25 10 2010
kamalloy

The whole encounter is oddly cute and sweet, particularly the narration-speak.

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