fs05 just has to take down a goddess, a devil, and three old ones, how hard can it be

18 04 2010

It’s major moment and climax after major moment and climax! Big finish!

I may have overdone it on the “huge pileup of enemies” and “huge series of last second wins” gimmick. But what the hell, I enjoy writing that sort of thing, and you enjoy reading it, so here you are. The thrilling conclusion of the Forsaken Shores.

Anachronauts is, of course, not over. I have two more “series” like FS up my sleeve along with the Second Age oneshots. We’ll probably be doing a one year time jump after this, filling in the gap with some Second Age stories, for reasons that will become obvious.

Feedback or just reactions welcome. It’s the big “Ta-da!” moment.

  • 10:04 I wake up with a buncha IMs from impatient fishers wanting me to start the Sunday event. Jeez, people… I had NO ELECTRICITY! Pushy. #
  • 10:49 Been a rough few days, in many ways. I need a good Lazy Sunday to just do whatever. Nap. TV. Read. Game. Etc. No structure, just Stuff. #
  • 17:08 When I start a book or DVD series run I can’t stop until done. Hence, yep, moar DS9 marathoning today. Bridge spark booms! Whee! #
  • 17:56 Hm. Maybe I can get a little writing done before I gotta do my shower / sleep / wake / eat / drive to work / work / drive back / eat cycle. #
  • 20:00 I think the end of forsaken shores has like five or six damn climaxes. I’m rivalling Return of the King here. #
  • 20:25 It’s the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny in anachronauts forsaken shores 05. Draft complete. bit.ly/csc9m9 #
  • 22:14 Huh, I’m getting some word-of-mouth social-network-doohickey new readers. Neato! … guess I better run those last spellchecks and edits. #
  • 22:16 Bedtime. Tomorrow night, closing party for 7Seas Fishiversary… hanging out, dancing, NO CONTESTS. Just for people who wanna have fun. #
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26 responses

19 04 2010
benabik

Woo! Encore, encore! Bravo!
(I liked it. Especially “IA! IA!” and “Oh.”)

19 04 2010
lirazel

So.
Loved the very last bit.
I have a problem with Archangel Jeeves, though. While the others all know about how each of them refused the Mister back in LA, none of them knows about whatever is really powering Jeeves. Neither Benny nor the Mister say anything about it. So… he just gives peace to the Mister and everyone is like, “Well, natch, check that one off.” In the meantime, the baddies are fully horrific.
It needs more. I know you’re going for slam-bam heaps of action here, but there needs to be more power in that bit, somehow.
I feel the same only a bit less so about Lilith. It needs to be clearer that she is Fall with no possibility of Spring. Summer and Winter both were genuinely frightening — Lilith is becoming their equal.
(I dunno, does any of that make sense?)

19 04 2010
jengagne

fs05 just has to take down a goddess, a devil, and three old ones, how hard can it be
On phone and zzzzleepy so will keep this brief. More later.
No wonder you need to forward a year!
I think you need a tweaked explanation of the spell’s effect. It says everyone who isn’t native, but that would only leave Jesse. Presumably she can focus her Will on the Old Ones though. And arguably they are the MOST foreign.

19 04 2010
Anonymous

Your beginnings are always a little shaky, but your endings are always a 10/10 on the awesome scale of awesome.
Oh, Gilbert. Doesn’t he know that he’s too hot to die? For a moment there you had me going. I was seriously getting sad. Jesse and Gilbert are a great couple. They just mesh. And Jesse’s line about him being the “crown prince of fools”…tee hee. How sweet. I love all of these characters, which is weird considering one of them, Jesse, started as a villain. I would happily read every story you create surrounding them.
*SPOILER*
EMILY’S PREGNANT? Wow. You sure know how to pull out the plot twists that put me on my ass. This whole chapter was full of plot twists that put me on my ass and made me cry “AWESOME!” Although, I don’t know what Emily is getting so worked up about. Doesn’t she know that Scout’s reaction will probably be along of the lines of “Huh? Okay.”
One request: Seriously. I love Gilbert and Jesse. I would love to see more of them since they’re relationship really hasn’t been fully explored yet. And I’m totally fangirling Gilbert. I hope Brittania shows up in a future story.

19 04 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

I’m definitely going to go back in and revise a bit, including tweaking the epilogue. The idea I’m going for with Jeeves and the others is that they have NO clue what just happened but don’t have time to really sit down and have a think about what it could mean.
No sure what to do for Lilith, there. I’m deliberately leaving Spring out of the equation for a reason. (See: Last line of the story.)

19 04 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Re: fs05 just has to take down a goddess, a devil, and three old ones, how hard can it be
I thought about that after finishing up and will be editing accordingly. Jesse was focusing the spell on sending the Mythos Gang home, and that’s all.

19 04 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

I think it’s safe to say there will be more of those two, and more with the British Empire. That’s where we’re headed for the followup to Forsaken Shores, in fact. But first I’ll probably do some Second Age one shots.

19 04 2010
shachihoko

Skimmed through the newest part before leaving for work this morning. Looks great, as usual.
If you’d like me to do a thorough proofreading sweep, let me know.

19 04 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Definitely. I likely missed some stuff from previous comments, too. (I need to do final editing passes on the last chapters of FS in general… if I let them sit too long they’re never gonna get tidied up.)

19 04 2010
jengagne

They must’ve all been rather bewildered by the craziness (and iaiainsanity) of the scene. And then Jesse’s leap of faith WHAT WHY ZOMG trumped any immediate wondering they might’ve been doing about Jeeves.
We already see that Jeeves himself doesn’t know what happened. At most I’d say hint at them quizzing him later.
Plausibly they just never figure out the real origin of the aetheric steam, or why it seems so intent on helping them / Gilbert. As long as the audience understands the Deus Steam Machina, that’s enough, methinks.
Nice teaser with Spring. Now I have to shake you down for spoilers privately!!

19 04 2010
kamalloy

I will need to go back and reread it a few times to get the full effect, but here’s my initial thoughts:
* Lilith’s surname becomes incredibly appropriate here. Did you have that in mind for a while, or did you have a sudden realization that you could come up with another interpretation of “Goatmother?”
* Interesting revelation in Lilith’s speech about Emily’s ancestor. Might explain a few things about Emily’s Insight and why Lilith picked her to humiliate in the magic school. Lilith is definitely the long-term revenge type.
* I suspect Lilith went down so easily because of two things: she’d just gotten her power, and she was so convinced that she was invincible. I give huge props to Jesse for being incredibly clever.
* Jesse pretty much steals the show in this one, but Gilbert and Jeeves are pretty much out of commission and Nel’s not really a battle sort (but she’s the stealth master, and the cone of silence gets put to judicious use).
* Una doesn’t really get all that much into the action, but she proves herself to be incredibly brave, and she’s getting really good at being able to say the right thing at the right time.
* I do agree that Jeeves’ holy powers need more explanation/reaction, or at the very least, a “what the-opposite-of-hell was that?”
* Oh, Gilbert. I would hug you (though not before cleaning you up first) but I think Jesse would stab me with the non-healing sword. I loved that scene, too.
* Interesting bit of description on the Pandora spell. Between that and Emily’s vision, I get the impression that while they’re saving the world now, they may be setting it up for something worse later…
* Spring is, perhaps, coming. Though what happens if it’s a boy? ;)
Really enjoyed it, and looking forward to further adventures in the world.

19 04 2010
jengagne

Dah-hah, so Our Heroes WILL end up finding out more about the mysterious origin of the Steam.
Speaking of just totally mauling Gilbert, would you say that Emily _knew_ how the entire Forsaken Shores journey would end up? (with an Incredibly Useful Gilbert and at least one new spell.)
I mean, she must have had a bigger ulterior motive rather than “I’ll send my buddies as diplomats, to quite probably free/trigger Certain Doom!”

19 04 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Re: Goatmother. No, not really. It’s from a very old flash cartoon on the Brunching Shuttlecocks, back when they were thinking of splitting Microsoft into two companies to avoid a monopoly. “Evil” Microsoft got Office, which proceeded to make CD-ROMs vomit pea soup and call its users the goat mothering son of a one eyed whore. (“Well, nobody ever got fired for buying an Evil Microsoft product!”) The words stuck with me. Even if I may be misremembering them.
See also: The incident with Gandalf and the posessed King Theodin in Two Towers, where the king offhand tosses some silly insult at him. I liked the feel of that, and reused it for the first re-meeting of Nana Moonthistle and Lilith, back in a05’s flashback.
Jeeves: I’m definitely going to expand on this in revisions. Even if it only comes as Emily in the debriefing saying “And what the hell was up with your robot guy doing the thing with the where and the how what?”, just to make sure it’s clear they haven’t forgotten about that moment of weirdness. (Which will be expanded on in a future story and is very much a setup.)

19 04 2010
jengagne

I assumed Lilith meant Emily’s grandmother — do you mean even further back? We already knew Lilith was pissed at her, considering their big onscreen confrontation.
I suspect if Emily had been more successful in school, Lilith would’ve taken the opposite tack and made Emily her big star total-convert as revenge, instead.
Agreed about the sword scene — I really liked it that Jesse didn’t necessarily KNOW for sure how it would turn out, she was just hoping her hunch was right. And added her magical Will to try and make sure of it.
I loved it that Jesse said the spell really quietly and it still had this huge effect. Makes me ponder what will be done with that spell in the future. :D Strike that, I just saw that the spell text looked very small (and therefore quiet) on my phone but is normal-sized in a Real Browser.

19 04 2010
jengagne

Might wanna mention Benny too. Nyar threatens to break him and then he’s MIA for the rest of the story. For all we know Jesse flushed him, too.

19 04 2010
kamalloy

No, I’d actually forgotten the Nana Moonthistle and Lilith confrontation. My bad memory, and I’m sorry about that. ^^;
But yes, I agree that Lilith’s revenge would be flexible depending on Emily’s aptitude!

19 04 2010
kamalloy

Aww, man, Brunching Shuttlecocks! I miss their stuff.
Of course, now I have to ask exactly how the clan got to be Goatmother in the first place.

19 04 2010
lirazel

Yeah, I think the debriefing needs to be a little less brief, even with Emily’s “preoccupation”.
And there’s got to be more to this than just The Steam. While the general theme of these stories is Balance, there’s also a prediliction towards freedom — of will, of conscience, etc. All we know about Brittania is that they use aetheric steam for many purposes, but as a neutral-to-evil tool. (There’s no evidence that Baby Gilbert had any choice until he up and made for the Americas.)
So, whatever is co-habiting with Jeeves becomes at the very least a matter for speculation. And there must have been some time to do that between the deMythosification of Anchorage and the return to N’awlins.

19 04 2010
storytellersjk

The origin of Steam is simple: Valve thought to themselves “hey lets have a computer game version of iTunes” and then…
Wait no! Don’t! I was just kidding! Put down that… *crunch*

19 04 2010
storytellersjk

Good finale. Most of my concerns have already been addressed above so… Yay to other people doing my work for me. :)
Man, I can’t wait to see how you top this one. I mean taking out three sets of near or actual god like entities, including the old Mythos gang? Hee… That was fun. I love a good wham, bam, thank you mam ending. Should be interesting to see how you raise the stakes next time.
The ending is a little abrupt but since this is only the end of the storyline and not the series as a whole, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m really curious to see what role, if any, Benny plays in the rest of the series. Definitly a favorite of mine so I going to begin lobbying for main character status just about… Now. Please, please, please,please,please,please,please,please,please,please. :)
I also hope we can get a story or even just a few scenes to see Scout and Una’s initial reaction to the pregnancy or the others reactions to Una and Nel hooking up. I’m just a sucker for fun character moments like that.
Overall I thought Further Shores was a highly successful piece of storytelling. Thanks for the entertainment and now bring on some more.

19 04 2010
kamalloy

Una will immediately start planning the baby shower.

20 04 2010
lirazel

Or whatever Orbitals call that thing you have when a new fellow-citizen is preparing to eventuate.

20 04 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

The Successful Fertilization Beneficial Event For Community Enlargement. (Maybe.)
I plan to do an SA story which is basically a montage of Baby Moments like that. The time skip will stop when the kid’s a toddler, for sake of ensuring things proceed on schedule towards the inevitable doom of everything that exists.

20 04 2010
eyeless1

Then they’d be trapped in the dome, seeing as he had the Key and all. Pretty sure he just decided to help them; he already knows Gill, in fact was the one who clued him into America and all that.

20 04 2010
jengagne

I’m assuming that too, but it just seemed like a tiny omission to me. It can’t hurt to mention him.
Oh, and devil’s advocate (har!) arguably Emily could’ve let them out in a pinch. They still needed the key so she could send someone other than herself on this mish.

20 04 2010
jengagne

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