sa05 is down to the last girl

22 01 2010

Hooray! We are now draft complete!

And about time, too. 122k of story is way more than I had planned for this; it’s as long as a06, fer cryin’ out loud. Still, I think (I hope) it turned out okay.

Oh, and check out the two new pieces of artwork by DFB’s Own Pyro. Great stuff, and he got school credit for them, too. It’s not often you can get academic marks for drawing a robot punching out the devil.

For space saving, tweets for the day follow.

  • 09:08 It looks like relocating Steam to another drive wouldn’t be too painful, and I can lifeboat over my files on a portable HD. Upgrade time! #
  • 09:33 Next I get to deal with plugging in a SATA hard drive. I’ve only dealt with IDE to date. This had better be painless; I HATE hardware. #
  • 14:26 O hai Burn Notice! I didnt see u thar. Forgot they were coming back on the air tonight; I’ve set my Tivo to stun. Err, record. #
  • 17:48 I am so damn lethargic today and I don’t know why. Woke up from a nap, pretty late for dinner, not in the mood to cook. Cereal time. #



6 responses

22 01 2010

Yay! Now I have seen a picture of Jeeves punching out the devil. Somehow this makes my life complete.
I’m glad the story had a semi-happy ending because it was pretty damn depressing for a while. I also like how all of these stories are open-ended enough that you can come back and do more stories if you wanted.

22 01 2010

Looks good overall. I approve. (And the new pics are good too – that’s EXACTLY how I pictured Jeeves, in his portrait.)

22 01 2010

Wow Pyro, cool fanart! Great job too. School credit = BONUS WIN.
Nice conclusion, 2f, as always. Really pulls together nicely.
How did they get back from Mexico? Swam out to Alagos’ boat? Presumably, since it says “below decks.” Might want to be a tad more specific there.
But whose skulls are those being cracked open? … oh right, must be Scout. Nice. XD Bet he did it himself with the Hand of Winter. That’d work.
At first, I wondered why Ruiz was trying to hack into his skull with a saw instead of just having a mob gnaw their way in, which is presumably how he got the original Lion’s brain. I’d wager the other zombies from that mob got killed as the lion escaped, with Ruiz the sole survivor.
But then I realized there’s two factors at work here:
1. he probably really wants to take a sample to give to Maria first.
2. on some level he might not really want to succeed.
Anyway, great story and excellent conclusion. As others have said, your struggle to bring story this together doesn’t show at all.
2f, couple of minor edits:
1. the end of the story says to be continued
2. attenting doctor
3. throughout the story it says “Senior” instead of “Señor”
4. liason needs another i

22 01 2010
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Re: spoilorz
I thought I’d made it clear, but I can add more to the text. They used the skiff to row away, back to Alagos’s boat, and used that to get back to New Orleans. The skull cracking was Scout’s, yes.
As for Ruiz, I have enough exposition going on there, so I’ll leave it implied / an exercise for the reader, but if he’s going to start mass converting Los Muertos into Los Super Muertos, he needs Scout’s head to STAY open. So he was experimenting with different ways of cutting into it. I could see #2 also, though.

22 01 2010

Re: spoilorz
The boat part I think could use just a little sentence fragment or something to clue us in. The skull and Ruiz’s motivations, you’ve written enough already; that was just me ruminating aloud.

22 01 2010

Cables can’t be put on upside down (old IDE cables didn’t use to be keyed) and there’s no master/slave sillyness to deal with (every drive has a dedicated cable going to the controller). Oh, and it’s faster too.

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