My First Attempted Murder

26 10 2009

Friendslocked because I Do Not want my parents reading this. They freak out enough already about my well being (and I don’t want a fucking lecture on traffic safety, either).

On the way into work today, I was turning right at an intersection. Looked clear and the light was going yellow, so anybody approaching would be stopping.

A psychopath doing 60+ on a 40 mile an hour road zooms in behind me and nearly rear ends me at high speed as I’m pulling into my lane. Instead, he swerves around me, cuts me off, then slams on his brakes in an attempt to kill me. I jammed my brakes and came within 3 inches of a high speed automobile death.

The only possible reason he could’ve had to do that is revenge and malice. If he’d rear ended me, he’d be at fault for speeding and crashing into me — but if he cut me off and then slammed the brakes I’d be at fault for not having enough stopping room and therefore he’d get money and I’d go to the hospital, assuming I survived the experience, which is unlikely because I can’t drive with airbags enabled due to my steering wheel modifications.

I genuinely hope he feels bad for trying to kill me, but he probably doesn’t. My faith in humanity keeps lowering multiple notches each year and this only accelerates the process.

Alternatively, I want to go back in time and throttle the inventor of the automobile for creating one of the stupidest and most dangerous forms of transportation ever imagined. I hate driving and if I never had to drive another day in my life, I would.

I’m incredibly shaken up right now and really just want to be home and lying down, but I have a full day of work ahead of me. Excuse me while I hate my life.

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17 responses

26 10 2009
tozetre

Bummer, dude.
I got no recommendations for you, except that transit feels worse. I dunno. :T Telecommute more?

26 10 2009
lirazel

What we need here is well-concealed Van Cannon.
(I had a nigh-similar experience today — lady pulling out of her parking-space WITHOUT SIGNALLING nearly took me out, and then provided graphic hand and face gestures implying it was my fault for not reading her mind. Sorry, telepathy don’t work so well on Mondays. Not risking death as you do, though.)

26 10 2009
cmdr_zoom

Holy crap.
Glad you’re still with us.

26 10 2009
tozetre

Yaknow, I had this idea a while back… you know potato cannons, right? I though maybe I’d weld together some pressure-sensitive valves, a compressor, a pressure manifold, and a hopper, and create a sort of potato howitzer.

26 10 2009
aj_hyena

If it wasn’t driving, it’d be horseback riding to get from place to place, or something ELSE that’d be “lethal but needed by the masses” — I don’t drive myself, as I can’t keep my attention on the road for more than 5 sec– oooh, shiny!
But yeah. People are assholes for the sake of being assholes…

26 10 2009
shachihoko

WTF dood
Holy crap. o.o I’m glad you came out of that with no worse than badly jangled nerves.
If you happened to get his license plate number, I’d say ‘call the cops and cite him for reckless endangerment, if not attempted vehicular homicide’ – and you could probably make a good case for the latter given how you described the situation. Honestly, I’d say call the police anyway, just in case they can correlate this with any other unsafe driving by the same perp.
*in the meantime, gives you a Tonberry plushie to hug*

26 10 2009
shachihoko

Baked, boiled, or fried?

26 10 2009
tozetre

Raw gives the best penetration, but baked or boiled impart more energy to the target. ;D

26 10 2009
tozetre

Funny thing about horses- it’s almost impossible to crash them by accident. :D

26 10 2009
jeffreycwells

Holy crud! Yeeeeeeeesh. Thank goodness that didn’t go worse.

26 10 2009
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Re: WTF dood
That could backfire in a huge way. What triggered it off was me pulling out and apparently not spotting the guy in time — and if I have to talk about my disability and limits it puts on my driving and such, I may lose my license.
Plus there’s the fact that I Do Not Want to involve my parents in any way, shape or form. I’ll never hear the end of it if I do. I don’t care if it was my fault or not, I’ll get endless lectures about safety, about paying attention, etc.
I just want it to have either not happened, or to ignore it and get on with my life. Not get dragged through court and family hell.

26 10 2009
aj_hyena

Two words: Horse personality — you just -know- if they think they know better (or think they can get away with it), Bad Things will happen to riders.
*is allergic, else would have learned to ride, probably*

26 10 2009
tozetre

Hah, I suppose you’re right, there would bad riders as much as there are bad drivers. :P I grew up on a ranch, so the only riders I ever saw were experts and total noobs who could be forgiven their errors.

26 10 2009
shachihoko

Re: WTF dood
Fair enough, but have a Tonberry plushie anyway.

26 10 2009
jengagne

People are assholes. So sorry you had to deal with that!
I suspect cars are still safer than horses. I don’t hear many stories about cars spooking at the sight of a clothesline and trying to jump a fence, randomly killing their drivers.
Of course I guess cars can break down too, but presumably it doesn’t happen TOO often at speed. O_O;;;
Somebody hurry up and invent teleportation for human-sized living things.

27 10 2009
nekoneko

OMG!! *huge hugs!!* I’ve been in a couple accidents myself. They suck. Especially if the airbags deploy.. man those stink! Anyway, I’m glad you’re okay!

27 10 2009
jaeai

>< Yeah, DO NOT WANT MD drivers. Plenty of them need to diaf.
Glad you’re ok. I’ve had too many close calls to even start/finish a blag.
I suggest you watch Unwrapped on Food Network tonight, particularly yummy.
Call if you need anyone taken out by a Bimbo Box with a +6 Street Racer. Ammunition is extra, but for you? I’ll give you a discount.

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