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5 03 2008

Yesterday sucked. Allow me to explain, because it’s my blog and I can angst if I want to.

Went to bed feeling like crap; vaguely nauseated, leg hurting. No shape for work the next day and clearly in need of rest, so I took sick leave. You’d think I’d finish the day relaxed and rested and rejuvenated, yes? Well, no. Most of the day was spent in disappointment. Granted, I was arguably ill and low in energy, but surely I could do something solid, right? Since I wasn’t a productive worker bee and I felt like blargh, I tried to be productive in the usual round of hobby activities instead.

Didn’t work. Had some unsatisfying TF2 matches. Had a very unsatisfying RB run, alongside an unsatisfying RB IRC chatroom I was assured would get me some satisfying RB action. (LIES.) Watched a very unsatisfying movie (28 Weeks Later). Had an unsatisfying dinner. Slouched off on the couch resting and watching unsatisfying TV.

By the end of the night, I was railing against yon invisible deified figure to please just give me one moment where I felt like I was useful and successful in some regard. I don’t demand euphoria or awesomeness, just feeling like time was well spent. Muttered a silent equivalent prayer and booted TF2, swearing I would find what I wanted even if I had to stay up a little later than usual (hard limit of 12:30).

After some router crashes and other weirdness that had me cursing, I was gonna give up, when I figured I’d give it one more try. Hit a server, parked my engy sentry overlooking the courtyard of 2Fort, put up my new “OPTIMIZE PRODUCTION” soviet propaganda poster spray, and got to work wrenchbanging.

It worked. My team was competent. My defense was solid and useful, with scores of enemies hurling themselves at my sentry and getting perforated. When I was in trouble with spies or demos, people came to my aid. When my gun went splat someone covered me while I got a new one up lickety split.

We won three rounds in a row, and when the last round finished, it was 12:02. I decided that said invisible deified figure was telling me something, thanked him/her/it/foo quietly, shut down and went to bed for a good night’s sleep.

I don’t want much in life. I don’t demand every moment of waking existence be akin to basejumping with a hang glider while slamming back a Mountain Dew. But I would like a few moments of joy and glow from a job well done, each day. A little something to reassure me that all’s well.

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4 responses

5 03 2008
jengagne

On days like that it’s tough to step back and see the bigger picture of the things you’re mid “good job” on, isn’t it? The day before and unknowable after don’t make as much of an impression as the Here and Now.

5 03 2008
keikotakamura

I hate to be another big sister, but I agree with Jen. And I know how you feel. On days like those, you sit and wallow in your own perceived misery and feel like a useless lazy bum even though IN TEH BIGGAR PIKSHUR you continuously crank out the win. You’re a scripting wizard and you’re a revolutionary (if not a pioneer) of gaming in SL. Rumor has it that people like playing TF2 and CoH with you. Hell, even your blogposts bring a smile to some. So buck up, amigo! I’ll allow this one day of self-pity, but if this goes on, SO HELP ME I WILL GET MY SCRIPTED PILLOWFIGHTER AND BEAT THE EMO OUT OF YOU.

5 03 2008
Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne

Not the fluffy pillows! D:
It’s hard to communicate, but I can feel “Y’know, overall, things are going well” while on a micro level feel “Today sucks.” Yesterday was one of those days. I was determined to get ONE positivism under my belt before I went to bed, one instance where I’d done a localized solid, and thankfully I got it by midnight.
I’m happy with our fish stuffs, I’m relieved there isn’t an AquaDash backlash, and overall things are okay. But yesterday FELT like crap, because I had nothin’ in the win column aside from the carryovers.

5 03 2008
lirazel

I had a day like that on Monday. A whole string of little annoyances, unbalanced by goodness, and by homecoming time I was a case of baskets.
But somewhere along the line–certainly after I was a teenager–my emotional temperature got set to “happy”. It’s like there’s this big bubble of happy that I ride on top of, and even though The Suck manages to push me off the top from time to time, I always end up bowling along…
I’m convinced a lot of this is genetic. Just think: if you weren’t Born to Create, you’d never miss the great feeling you get from creativity–even the creativity of cooperating with others to make a good gaming experience.

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